Conversation: Be Yourself

“The moment you accept responsibility for EVERYTHING in your life is the moment you tap into your power to change ANYTHING in your life” Hal Elrod

I don't really know when it happens. That moment you get in good with who you are and stop the hater talk. For me it's a gradual process that unfolds when you start DOING stuff aka living your life. This means showing up for all the parts of life that comes your way, especially the really hard and challenging shit. I've learned the most about myself by diving into things that really scared me. It reveals these characteristics about who you are and piece by piece, through your experiences, you build a foundation that's all YOU. It's a on going, fo' life journey. Which I might add is pretty cool. You will always have the opportunity to learn something new about who you are and what you choose to become.

It's easy to get sucked into what you think everyone wants you to be. Your gesture of figuring out YOU can be a loud statement or a small whisper. Either way, do it on your own terms.  Stop trying to figure out who you are by standing still. Start walking, listening, trying and filtering shit that doesn’t fill whatever goodness you’re trying to create. Being yourself is showing up without the need to edit parts of who you are. You are creating this WHOLE you and that means leaning in to the ebbs and flows of this big beautiful, chaotic, purpose driven thing called life. It wants all of you. I want ALL of you. 

Photography:  Ellen B Hansen

My Afro

All photos by the talented Weston McGhee Photography

Growing up I wanted long, straight hair that gently played on my back when the breeze touched it. My mom refused to let me straighten my curly mane. I would sneak and have by friend Niqua press my hair with a hot comb. If you don't know what that is, it's a comb made of metal that you put on a gas burning stove to heat up. You allow it to cool a bit and then you proceed to burn the shit out of your hair just so that it can be straight. I know. F@$king crazy! I did that because the idea of leaving my hair as is was something I did not see around me. I saw women pressing, perming, blowout styling their hair to look other than what it was naturally meant to be. This is certainly not a bash on those who straighten their hair. I assure you, if i want to mix it up a bit I'll blow out my hair  because I'm a grown woman and I can do what I want ;) Ok, I digress. When we press, straighten or do anything different to alter ourselves, I want it to be built on a road where we are defining our own beauty. 

The thought that black, natural, curly, kinky, unprocessed, left to do what it does best, froed out hair was not reflected to me as beautiful. It's changing. We are seeing a diverse mix of women stepping forward and demanding to be reflected in the images blasted towards us. Why? Because WE EXIST to be seen and heard. So much is happening with how we as women see ourselves. WE are digging deeper towards the AS IS part of ourselves that others thought strange or not enough and allowing it to be seen, fully. It's a real conversation that has to be echoed in a time where filters and editing skews so much of we see as beautiful. What I see now in myself took years of adjusting, filtering and being around women who know how to love themselves. These REAL reflections are what our little girls will witness, giving then the opportunity to SEE that their beauty is right there, as they are, right now. Strange, complicated, knappy hair, unruly, smart, loud, bossy, quiet, driven, defiant, necessary, vulnerable...beautiful AS IS.

Hello, from Laura

I've settled in for the evening and I'm so excited to sit down and write to you. It's been a busy few weeks and I'm reminding myself to pause and catch a breath. Writing to you is certainly a big part of that "breathing space". Our journey together has been filled with so many teachable moments. Where I am is not isolated from where you are. The next few months, Mama will be bringing you more style goodness that celebrates Spring (can I get a hallelujah on that please), tips to simplifying your wardrobe and celebrating changes that come into our lives. We are growing together and I must say it's quite lovely. 

I truly appreciate all of your kind and supportive messages. It means so much to hear your encouragement and I love seeing your input on style ideas you want me to share ( more please). I'm hear to support you! ( Insert major squeeze right here) We create magic when we climb together. Welcome, to the land of "be yourself". I'm thrilled you've joined. 

Top: JCrew     Jeans: Levi     Shoes: Target

All photos by Karen of Karen E Photos

My Mental Methods of Embracing Imperfection

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."   E.E Cummings

Growing up I remember trying to tame my limbs. My long lanky arms and legs had a mind of their own. I felt as if I was always mentally chasing to catch up to the length they were becoming. The physical attributes of being a praying mantis of sorts, also affected what I thought I should be, in order to handle what my body was trying to become. My bold personality became a bit more timid and I found myself in my teen years trying not to be noticed. It wasn't until much later on in my mid 20's, where I started to get in "good" with who I was trying to become. 

It's so strange to think of that girl then and the women I am now. 

All photos taken by my adorable and talented stepdaughter Maddie :)

I'm extending gratefulness to that awkwardly uncertain girl. I was able to experience some real life lessons that allowed me to stay true to what my parents taught me and some, well, they were learned the hard way. That's the beauty of hindsight, the ability of have this reflective quality on how we see things. As a stepmom to a vibrant and precocious 11 year old daughter, I am even more keenly aware of how we, as a family, encourage and foster her individuality. I wasn't faced with the onslaught of tech devices that allowed me to stray from reality with a swipe or a tap. It's important that I remind, not just myself, but her as well, where true value lies.

The less you try to fit in, the better you fit with yourself.

We can be our worst critics at time. The comparison game can stifle what you are trying to create. So I've found it helpful to operate on "just be who you are" mode and the true, honest, genuine people who want to be in your life or connect with you, will happen. The pretend game will catch up to you very fast, not to mention, acting like someone else is  f-bomb exhausting. It's a process and I promise you, clarity happens. You will gain friends, some friendships will become even stronger and at times, you will have to say goodbye to people who were once in your life. It's all part of the process. So show up, just as you are. 

Social media is not "real life" but you can generate "real connections" from it

Our immediate connection to what others are doing on Fb, IG and all the other social avenues out there can make us feel, well, less connected with our own lives. When you feel this way, revisit my "just be who you are" mode :) I found it best to stick to the best of what social media is intended for. It has the power to fuel positive change, make waves in how we view our world and generate genuine connections. You can meet really amazing, talented and authentic people. Your tribe can extend beyond where you are. So cool, right?! We can develop relationships that before, weren't as easy to foster. 

awkwardness, welcomed.

Flaws can give you wings

Recognizing the imperfect in ourselves can be the catalyst for compassion. Not just towards ourselves but to others as well. Compassion allows me to pause on quick judgements that can easily taint what we are trying to develop. Which are relationships built on integrity, love and anchored with moral grit.   

Influence, kindness

I've learned the most from people who were different from me. That's the cool factor of diversity. You get to pick up bits and pieces of knowledge from those who's experiences have taught them something that differs from yours. To me, that's worth sharing. Our opinions might differ and this is a good thing. We cannot all think the same way. The underlying current of these real-life conversations should come from a place of respect. It's recognizing our ability to influence these vibrant discussions, through kindness. The things that challenges us, at times can be the most difficult. The growth and progress from it, is *so* worth it!

Top: H & M 

Wearing Courage

Captured by Jessica of Jleephotos in NYC                                             dress: For Love and Lemons

I'm perfectly fine with the unfinished parts of who I am. I'm working on it over here (said in my most pristine NYC accent :) It's 2017. All shiny and new, ready to gift us some teachable experiences. All of which adds up to complete these unfinished parts, in some way or another. Along this journey, I'm working on a few things. Reviving my unicorn spirit ( read blog post here) and nurturing courage. Yep, I want to treat courage like it owes me money. Stalk it relentlessly until it pays up...BIG TIME! 

For me courage feeds and fuels freedom. It creates a momentum that allows us to push beyond where we are, towards where we dare to be. I want it to infiltrate all that we do. How and who we love, the way we raise our children, our space in this world, our voice, what we choose to wear,  our passions, our purpose. These are filled and fulfilled through courage. Those unfinished parts aren't bad things. We're learning everyday, figuring out how to be better than the day before. Finding the courage to ask for what we seek; listen for the truth and throw flag on the bullshit; love hard because we know how great it can be to have it ( so good); fail knowing that we put our all in and try again; high five our victories and get ready for the next round. These courage filled experiences allows us to fill in the gaps, to write our own sentence. 

We are surrounded by plenty of things that try to tell us who and what we should be. Courage is recognizing that undeniable need to JUST be yourself...it's freedom. We know it the moment we walk away from the asshole who was treating us wrong ( we're ladies, ok), apply for that position that challenges us and show up because we're worthy.

Happy New Year my friends! Cheers to you and your relentless courage. 

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” Brené Brown

Unicorns Wear Stripes

When I was 12 years old I thought that anything and everything was possible. After-all, I had just left my tiny world on the island of Jamaica and was now living in The United States of America. CRAZY!! As another new year slips it's way towards us I'm feeling a bit nostalgic about 2016 and all that its meant to me. I think the biggest take away was understanding more about what I think I'm capable of doing and reviving that 12 year old "I can" mindset. Adult life is so strange how it shifts the "I can do anything" ( I call this my unicorn) to "just do something". Your mind gets blown a bit when you stop making excuses and start failing at shit. Ya, that's what happens when you're all up in the "doing" part of stuff.  You mess up, learn, make progress, try harder and challenge yourself to be better. Not perfect because you and I know that exist only on IG ( those filters tho ;) 

stripe sweater: JCrew   Denim: Levi    boots: Piece Unique

So I've battled with my unicorn...we believed at one time right?! Seriously, I can't be the only one. Well whatever your "unicorn" was, it was cool, you loved it and then one day it just vanished. My Mom would chime in right now and say "it call real life baby" in her very heavy Jamaican accent ( filled with Mama truth). Yes, real life chimes in but that doesn't have to be a dirty phrase. That's what's great about still believing as an adult in the "impossible", your "unicorn". You have all this "grown up" perspective to "real talk" your way through the logistics of your dream and the unicorn passion to rally your ass to go after it harder and make your purpose happen. 

So as we embark on another year, I encourage you to unleash your "unicorn" and rally that passion you crave. Better yet, why not start the process right now, where you are.  I've got your back. 

All photos by the talented and extra cool Denise of Studio Boise

Becoming My Best Self From Being a Stepmom

It starts with hearing a great beat. Hips sway, feet tapping and I nod my head left to right, right to left. She throws her hand in the air like she just don't care. We look at each other and we know it's about to go down. The volume gets cranked up higher and the dance party ensues. Cooper our cat clears the area quickly. Let's just say he frowns on participating. We laugh hard. Sometimes we're on a stage belting out the tunes ( off key and blissfully committed),  sometimes its dancing our hearts out at our own private party ( moves like jagger or sort of). We collapse on the floor, giggling , maybe throwing an exhausted hive five and then we just lay for a bit. That's just one of the many moments that makes me joyful to have my stepdaughter Maddie in my life.  

The pictures taken are mostly captured by this tiny human that reminds me that life is best lived dancing a bit more, laughing a bit longer and to always choose the chocolate cupcake ( cuz it's yum!!). For her 11th birthday, Britney ( Maddie's Mom) and I surprised her by granting her many request for a girls trip. We both get a bit mushy at the thought of her wanting to hang out with us, so our plan is to shamelessly take full advantage if it for as long as we can. I wanted to share the deeper meaning behind what has helped me to develop this relationship with Britney and of course the fun pictures of our trip :) As my life continues to change, so do my roles as a wife, stepmom, business owner, friend and person. Which for me was finding my own balance and knowing that struggles are just as valuable in asserting that balance. I pay more attention to the journey  ( and continue to learn) because it dishes out some real knowledge. Some of these lessons unexpectedly taught by my Maddie cakes.  

The magic is in the effort

I became a Stepmom 11 years ago  and it redefined so much of what I thought love meant. Really, what I thought my life would look like. Husband, wife, child. It challenged me to see beyond what I thought was normal family life and insisted that we as a family step up to the plate repeatedly. There's no special trick to the relationship that we've developed between myself and Maddie's mom Brit. The journey took effort and allowing ourselves to see beyond the "I want right now" towards "what's the best for this little person we all love." It made the uncertainties a bit clearer because we got on the same page. A whole bunch of people dedicated to raising a human that will be make efforts to be her best self. 

Take the high road and wear something cute

At times it easier said then done. At times is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious hard to take the high road. So I keep in mind that the low roads come stacked with baggage and distasteful consequences. Which I prefer not to include in my world. So I take a breather and step up to the plate with words that won't cause more hurt, diffuses and helps to some sort of solution. By the way, this is always a work in progress but it gets easier because you see why it's worth it. 

Love is a game-changer

She's kind, creative, always asking questions and never stops talking. She interrupts adult conversations because she wants to be part of the chatter, takes forever to get dress and let's not even talk about how long it takes her to eat. She paints, draws, creates a magical story on a whim and leaves notes that make me melt every time. She loves to help me cook which takes longer but so worth it. She still wants to hang out with me so she's all up in my business :) She's not a baby anymore so her tween attitude flares up every now and then and it makes me give her the look my Mom use to give me. You know that look that says "child don't you even". She's my little fashion assistant and have told me she'll receive all my clothes when she grows up. She tells me to put my phone down when we talk so I REALLY listen and grabs my hands as we're walking just because. I love her to pieces and this love gives me the freedom to take in the unpretty moments because the good ones, always trump. Love makes me recognize that my mess ups for today is just as valuable to my victories of tomorrow. The learning is endless, luckily I have this amazing little human in my world and we will guide each other along the way. 

I've been fueled by the positive responses and know that I'm not alone. I would LOVE  to hear how you work through life as a blended family and the teachings it's given to you. As always, I'm listening. 

5 Things That Fuels My Happy

I've tried to generate blog post that I can pre-plan and it never works. I am one of those people that has to be in the moment. I get the chance to speak with you from a space that I know is genuine and not just for the sake of typing a few words. The last few months have been busy and full of style loving mayhem and I've been asked how do I keep my light, happy go get it self charged.  For me, I've realized how important it is to FIND MY DOSE OF HAPPY IN EVERY LITTLE NOOK AND CRANNY THAT I ENCOUNTER. Don't get me wrong, life gets real, ugh...so real at times and you feel out of sorts but babes I tell you, when you look at things from the standpoint of what I am grateful for in this moment. Holy chipotle, it's a game changer. 

Early morning bare faced and soul at The Society Hotel in Portland

Launching my own personal styling business came from a place of fear, desperate love of all things fashionable but most of all, having the opportunity to meet and style some of the most incredible humans. What that means to me is I AM THANKFUL FOR EVERY PERSON THAT COMES INTO MY LIFE, NO MATTER WHAT. I know it seems crazy because you're probably saying that there has been a few bad eggs that you wished you never encountered. What I take from that is a lesson. No matter the circumstance, you are going to be taught something, will give something and it is not a worthless moment. 

PERFECTION ISN'T REAL BUT EFFORT IS. The comparison game can leave you feeling defeated. What I've learned and continue to learn is the more I focus on how can I be helpful today instead of who can help me today, the better I feel. My efforts to try, always isn't about how perfect I can make things but more about, am I doing all that I can right now. It grants me the permission to make mistakes, learn from them and simply try again and again. 

FIND YOUR GOOD EGGS AND LOVE ON THEM HARD! I've had the opportunity to have so many people come in and out of my life with a purpose. Its made me appreciate the ones that fuel my happy by being honest, caring and never allowing me to doubt who I am.  They give me love and that awesome thread of connection. Show up for your good eggs and love on them all the time. 

NOW MATTERS MORE. I try to soak up what is happening right now in this moment. Yes tomorrow is relevant and goals are drivers for your tomorrow. However, I try not to lose focus on the present. There can be so many distractions ( so many) that pulls you away from getting all that you can from your now moments that it can be easy to miss out on those small delights. My stepdaughter Maddie ( the cutest human ever), has told me not to be on my phone while she's talking to me...say what?!! It was a huge moment for me and for us. I give her my full attention and get to hear those little and big things that are important to her. Things I could easily miss if I wasn't fully present. 

Quiet moments captured by the talented Karen E. Photography

One of my amazing humans introduced me to Brené Brown.  She is an American scholar, author, and public speaker. Listening to her was an illuminating experience for me and whenever I find something that is awesome and teaches me, I must share it with you. This is one of my favorite quotes from her: 

"Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen"  Brené Brown

I hope it brings to you your own sense of purpose in this fantastic journey called life. 

You are so enough

This bag is from Mulberry Press Co, a wonderful lifestyle brand that's dedicated to delivering inspiration and positivity. What's not to love about that :)

Y O U   A R E   SO   ENOUGH

Words are so powerful. I remember my husband saying to me "babe, you've got this" when we were in the first stages of me diving into launching my personal styling company. His relentless support was the exclamation that I needed to take the chance and trust myself. It's love.

The phrase "you are so enough" resonates with me, especially in those moments where I felt I was not doing enough or I feared being inadequate. I believe as women we have these endless standards that are comprised to make us feel uncertain about our capabilities. However, what I've found is that the only barometer that matters is the one that you set for yourself. I'm constantly trying to figure out what I can do better with my business to best serve my clients. For me, it's been a whole lot of learning, researching, big time listening and allowing myself to be true to who I am. Along the way, I saw this merger of me working on being a better person contributed to me being a better business person. Trust me the process never ends and the learning is endless but I think that's a great thing. 

The eggs you surround yourself with matters in a BIG way so they better be good :) I have been blessed to meet some of the most intelligent, driven, passionate, kind humans who are at the top of their game in their careers. They have supported, inspired and encouraged me along the way. It's vital for me to know in my heart that I'm enough to do whatever it is that I want. However, it helps to have a village and that means surrounding myself with great eggs that are honest, kind, inspire and have some major integrity. 

You are so enough to be what you want and when you have moments when you don't feel enough, which we all do, just remember you are not doing this thing all by yourself. I've got your back.  

“You have worth, you have purpose and you are always more than enough in this life. When we love ourselves, we make room for others to love us and share our journey. Love is a powerful thing and it starts with loving everything you already are.”

— Sera, founder of Mulberry Press Co

Big hair and breezy wear

My hair is curly, kinky and wild. It's delicate and strong. It reminds me that there is nothing more freeing than allowing what is most natural about myself to simply BE. I stopped straightening my hair because I had enough. Ugh, it seems so cliche but the real talk is that I got to this point where I noticed that I no longer felt the need to edit who I was, which included my mane. It wasn't an overnight or lightbulb moment but this progression of experiences that made me acknowledge that  "yah, I'm ok with me AS IS". For the most part, straightening my hair was an extension of figuring out the uncertainties about myself. I didn't really know what I wanted and it took getting through my f-ups, learning, listening, challenging myself and meeting good eggs along the way, you know...LIFE. The process is a journey. 

My hubby always asked me why I straightened my hair and would beg me to leave it natural. I thought he was crazy! Although I loved his support and encouragement, no one can make you act on those moments. They can influence but you're the one that's paving your path. As a black woman, the struggle to accept what is naturally you, especially when it comes to our hair is such a difficult journey. It's not the norm. I rarely see anyone with hair like mine but I also live in Boise, Idaho. I love that I was able to fuel who I am in a state where, let's be real, there's not many people of color.  What I experienced from those around me, strangers and friends, was this fantastic celebration of my natural hair. It really stunned me. People would come up to me and tell me how much they loved my curly hair. In my head, I was saying "really, you think my natural hair is pretty....who knew." It was as if I was able to experience acceptance of "me" moreso than I ever accepted myself.  

The more I dived into learning about my curly hair and how to care for it, I saw this common thread amongst so many women of different races and backgrounds who had a familiar story to share about untaming their mane. We hear the mantra that "you're free to be you" but we don't see it. So it takes these individual movements where each of us declare who we are, naturally. That's not to say I will never straighten my hair, I will when I feel like mixing it up. However, the decision is driven by me and not some cultural/ social demand. The relief of no longer having to protest why your "imperfections" are pretty darn perfect for you. It's an exclamation that normal is diverse, unique and feeds tolerance, its soul food. 

Laura, what about your outfit girllll?!! I know I got a bit deep on y'all so here are the yummy details. I love these breezy tops but they can look a little frumpy ( no thank you frump McGee). I look for styles that either gathers at the waist like this one or has an open neckline like this style (so cuteee, right!) I paired it with these boyfriend denim shorts that are a little more fitted as not to compete with the looser fit of the top. 

Top: Rebecca Taylor, Shorts: Rag and Bone ( Fancy Pants)    Shoes: Madewell

"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well"  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I want to hear from you!! What's your hair story? Share, comment and click on the little heart below (it's adorable). We can tackle this journey together :)

Lessons learned from Mama #MamaKnowsBest

So let me explain my Mom to you just a bit. She is 5’4” maybe, on a good day, full of energy and doesn’t mind telling me what she thinks (with or without request). She’s my favorite person and she drives me crazy. It’s the most wonderful and maddening love ever :)

Growing up, my Mom was a bit of a hard ass ( yah I said it, sorry Mom but you were). Ugh, those days where I just wanted to scream at you and slam the door because I thought you were trying to make my life a living hell. I realized, eventually, how thankful I was for those moments. I’m so happy that you demanded more from me than I did myself. 

Mama lesson learned: TRY HARDER

When I did poorly on something my Mom would ask me in her very thick Jamaican accent “How hard did you try? Did you prepare yourself so that you could produce the best result? If you tell me yes, then I know you tried.”
Yep…I just wanted to yell at her because she was right (grrr)  and my poor performance was usually the result of being ill-prepared or really not being interested whatsoever. 
So now,  I work towards trying to be better on whatever job I take on. I learn something new after every project and I ask myself, what can I do better for my clients. I’ve noticed that there is always something to improve upon. Better isn’t about perfection, to me it's about allowing meaningful progress. Experience is a good teacher. 

Mama lesson learned: BE YOUR OWN CHEERLEADER

I actually learned this from a few of my "Mamas" - amazing women whom I love and admire a great deal. I'm grateful to have each of them in my world. They've provided amazing support,  love and pushed me to see my value in so many ways. 

You know that little voice that creeps up inside your head that says "babe, you've got this" or that moment ( visualize hands on your hips, legs apart, superwoman stance, cape blowing in the wind) YES THAT! Mama wants you to  hold on to that with all your might and believe in yourself like the champion you are. Yes, I have my moments when I'm dropping f-bombs (privately) because something is not vibing the way it should ( it's life). I take a breather and then work to see how I can kick the problems booty. Having my own back, keeps me accountable for my actions and inactions. It also let's me acknowledge that things will be okay because I've got my back.

Mama lesson learned: LOVE BIG OR GO HOME

When I visit my Mom, she has a menu laid out of all my favorite meals because as she puts it "baby, they don't feed you enough food in Idaho"...such a  Mom thing right!!! That's the best kind of loving, Mom's home cooking ( insert happy dance here and here). 

What does all this home cooking chatter mean?? If you're going to love, love fully. My Mom shows me her love in the biggest and best way she knows how by taking care of what fills me body and soul. I had to learn this love big thang the hard way a few times because loves great but sometimes it hurts bad, real bad.  So why love big Laura?? Well my awesome peeps, it made me appreciate how awesome it feels when this full love came my way. Not just from my hubby but from the people who care about me in the deepest way. It filters all the other mess out. It's amazing. Having that in my world allowed me to be grateful and appreciate what love means in the realest way. Loving big for me is a all-in commitment not naivety, understanding and being your loves sound board. It's hard, easy and everything in between but so worth it. 

I always thought I would get to this point where I would have this "stuff" figured out or least most of it. Nope, not the case for me. I'm learning all along the way with more clarity as I go. Mama does know best and she's trying to share it in her own way. Some of those lessons go over a bit smoother than others, some I learned in my own way. 

To quote my wonderful stepdaughter Maddie..."Moms are pretty awesome." I couldn't agree more :)